Alex's Caregiver Corner, Chronic Illness/Autoimmune

Helping Your Spoonie

Some of you may already know, but Lauren has not been feeling well.  Between her lack of energy and the new added responsibilities at work, her spoons have been at an all-time low.  In an effort to help her, I figured I would make Caregiver Corner a little more regular.  In addition to writing more, her lack of spoon has got me thinking about other ways to help.

My first post covered dating a spoonie, this post will cover caring for a spoonie.  Spoonies are, in my opinion, some of the strongest people around.  Lauren has a strength that astonishes me at all times.  How she manages to do all she does through the day, dealing with all of the issues, all of the chronic pain, and the constant lack of energy.  I honestly could not be more amazed by her strength.  That being said, even the strongest spoonie needs the support of friends and family.

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If you are caring for a spoonie, I strongly recommend open communication.  Make sure they know you want to help and that you care.  Lauren and I talk often about how she is feeling and what she needs.  We also have many conversations about what is important for our family.  It is important to determine what you and your spoonie need.  For Lauren and me, the most important thing is for her to use her spoons on work first and then use the rest on things that make her happy.  Though we could manage without her working, she really enjoys the people she works with and the company she works for.  Without her working, things would also be tight, and though my job offers good healthcare plans, they are not as good as our plan through as her job.  I can take on all of the house work, cooking, cleaning, the dogs, really anything outside of work.

I take on all of these tasks because I care about her.  She means the world to me and I can see as she uses each spoon.  I know I cannot make her pain go away, but I make sure she knows that I am here to help.  That is the second thing about taking care of a spoonie, make sure they know you are there for them.  It can be hard for spoonies to ask for help, they want to keep their independence, and they can feel like a burden if they are not able to help.  It is important for them to know that you are there to support them.  Lauren loves to do things on her own without asking for help.  For example, I ordered the dog’s food the other day and it arrived in the mail today.  Rather than waiting until I got home to carry it in, she picked up a 25 lb box and carried it to the garage.  I know she is capable of doing these things, but I also know that every time she does this, she uses multiple spoons that she does not always have.  As someone who cares for her a great deal, it is hard to watch her use spoons on something I can do.

Finally, make sure you take care of yourself.  As the caregiver for a spoonie, it is easy to forget this important part.  You can feel like you have unlimited spoons and can do anything.  In reality, there is only so much time in the day and only so much can be accomplished each day.  This is something that took me a while to accept.  I wanted to help and do everything for Lauren.  I would take on more and more things, trying to get it all done.  I have come to realize that I need to prioritize the important things and plan out my nights and weekends, making sure to take care of myself, which allows me the ability to continue to care for Lauren.

Caring for a spoonie can be tough, but when you are madly in love with them it is totally worth it.   Love makes you do crazy things and gives you strength to take on things you never realized you could do.  What recommendations do you have for caring for your spoonie?

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