Hello everyone, Alex here again. Lauren had her infusion today, so I decided to do another edition of Alex’s Caregiver Corner. Today, I want to talk about family and friends, those wonderful crazy people that helped raise you and made you the great person you are. Family and friends can be great, but when you are living with a chronic condition, or if you marry/date someone with a chronic condition, family can be stressful. Even the most well meaning family members can accidentally cause stress. Over the course of meeting, dating, and finally marrying Lauren, I have seen a number of different ways family reacts to chronic conditions.
First, there is the “My friend cured that with…” aunt. This is the family member who means well and wants to help you get better, but thinks that they have the perfect solution that your doctors refuse to share with you. Normally these people will listen to you and you condition, then come back to you with a homeopathic remedy that worked for their friend. It is not easy to deal with these people. It is obvious that they mean well, but their so called solution will do nothing at best or hurt you at worst. My suggestion to dealing with them is to not get angry and start by explaining the condition you or your significant other has. Help them understand what causing the condition and what you have tried. I have been lucky that when people have made suggestions it was because they lacked an understanding of the difference between IBD and IBS. If they do not listen or if they go Agent Mulder on you and start spewing conspiracy theories about a secret society of gnomes who control the doctors, then change the subject and do not bring up the condition again. It is not worth wasting time on someone who will not listen to you.
The second I’ve run into is the “yes but…” grandpa. This family member can be told about your condition a million times, even witness first had what you or your spouse goes through, but will never understand. They will continuously think that the condition is fake or that they just need to tough it out. Personally, these are the hardest to deal with. In my opinion they can be told a million times the limitations or special diet you need, but still insist that you can eat the giant gluten filled pie with uncooked carrot and then down a big glass of milk. These people just do not want to understand. Be polite, talk to them, but do all you can to avoid there stress and keep your significant other away from them if you can.
The last is my favorite, I call this one the “great saint” mother. This is the person who just understands. They listen to you, provide you with a sounding board, do not over burden you, and are there when you need help or support. The best part is, these people do genuine research to understand you or your spouse’s condition. When you tell them about your lack of spoons, they are happy to step in and take care of things like mowing the lawn, walking the dogs, or just making you a good dinner. When you find friends or family like this hold on tight, they are the best to have around to give you strength and encouragement. They also they come in handy when dealing with the other two.
Family and friends are wonderful – they are a source of laughter and happiness, and provide a support system when things are tough. However, not all family and friends can be helpful and some can add a great deal of stress. What have you had to deal with in your adventures with chronic conditions?